Self-confidence is an attitude which allows us to have positive yet realistic views of ourselves and our situations. We are confident when trust our own abilities, have a general sense of control of our lives, and believe that, within reason, we shall be able to do what we wish, plan, and expect.
Having self-confidence does not mean that we believe that we shall be able to do everything today. Because we are realistic, even though our wishes and expectations are not met, we continue to be positive about ourselves.
Our confidence, or the lack of it, is more evident when we present ourselves in front of people. I believe that our lack of confidence is a greater hindrance towards self-expression and attainment of our goal than lack of education or skills.
The steps (or strategies) below may help us in building our self-confidence in public speaking. We may also consider these steps as the building blocks for greater confidence in any aspect of our life.
STEPS
1. Recognize Your Personal Worth. Give yourself credit for everything you try. By focusing on what you can do, you applaud yourself for efforts rather than emphasizing end products. If we expect people to consider our efforts when we do something, we must require the same thing from ourselves. Think of your good qualities as a speaker–voice, diction, gestures, body movements, sincerity, humor, etc. Gaining self-confidence is like playing the game of basketball. Your score is counted not by number of attempts you missed, but by the number of attempts you made. Remember that when you are asked to speak, you will be sharing in you which other people don’t have. You will always have something to offer.
2. Take Risks. Approach speaking experiences as opportunities to learn rather than to show how good you are. Many speakers play safe and place themselves inside the box created for them by other people’s expectations. Some of them are like grade-conscious students who are more focused on the grades rather than the beautiful and practical lessons that they can learn from their subjects. It is okay to make mistakes when you are speaking. Great speakers also made a lot of mistakes. And they learned from them.
3. Use Self-Talk. Use self-talk as an opportunity to counter harmful assumptions. Tell yourself to “stop” and substitute more reasonable assumptions. Self-talk helps us look for more logic explanations to questions about our self-worth. For example, I know of some speakers who believe that they must please everyone in the audience every time they talk. It is possible to please everyone in the audience at one time, but not every time. This is therefore a perfectionist, unattainable goal. It is more realistic to accept that we have different kinds of audiences and therefore different way of perceiving things.
4. Self-Evaluate. When you see yourself as a friend, it will be easier for you to learn. Most of us see friends as another self. Someone who listens to our dreams and aspirations. Someone who praises us for the good things we do. Someone who censures us for the mistakes we commit. Evaluate yourself like a friend. Praise yourself for the commendable aspects of your presentation and find ways to further maximize it. Also, look into those aspects which are neglected in your presentation. See how you can improve them too.
5. Visualize your Success. One great difference between a confident and no-confident speaker is their ability to visualize success. Speakers who are not confident have self-defeating thought patterns. They “see” the worst scenario that will happen to them when they speak. The confident speakers on the other hand, being well-prepared and realistic, imagine the best possible presentation they can give. They imagine their meaningful gestures and facial expressions, the grace of their movements, and the color of their voices. They see themselves as success. They approach the stage, or wherever they are, with positive attitude.
TIPS
1. Assess your capabilities. Start with your physical, natural endowments. Exercise and expand those to work in your favor. You have emotional, mental, and spiritual strengths as well; some are natural talents and others have been developed by circumstances that you have lived.
2. In the acquisition of confidence you need at least a bit of success. You have to have some chutzpah to step out there in the first place to see if and how it works. You also need a bit of failure to overcome, to learn from, so you can go on to what does the work. Success is tied to setting goals. Set up the dynamic of a positive goal. Assess the reality of your current situation, take a look at the intermediate goals in between and achieve them.
WARNING: Arrogance is not self-confidence. When someone starts to believe that he is already too good, that is the very moment that he stops to learn.
WORKSHOP
1. Recognize your personal worth. Enumerate your strong points, as well as the occasions on which you’ve put them to good use.
a. In which areas do you possess special abilities? They may be professional abilities, or hobbies, sports, and others.
b. What tangible things have you accomplished (academic or professional success, educating your children, success in your marriage or personal life, in sports, and so on)?
c. On which occasions have you experienced the pleasure of success? Search through your memory, going back as far as you can – right to your childhood.
d. Do you remember a particular time in your life that you were able to fully express yourself? How did it feel?
e. What do people you know appreciate about you?
2. Take Risk.
a. What change you would like to see in your performance as a communicator?
b. How will you enact that change?
c. What is holding you back from enacting that change?
d. Look at what is holding you back. Is it really an obstacle or something that you could overcome if you would take the risk?
e. Would it not be worth to improve yourself now, or are you going to wait for some more time to change?
3. Using Self-Talk.
a. Write down your “failures” as a communicator. You may also include your personal, professional, and social failures if you think they contribute to your lack of self-confidence. Write your answer in column A.
b. Analyze each failure individually. Is it possible that
i. What you have considered to be YOUR failure was totally beyond your control, i.e, it had nothing to do with you?
ii.Or what you have considered to be a failure was not actually a failure, but simply dissatisfaction?
Write your answer in column B.
Column A Column B
4. Self-evaluate
a. When was the last time you talk with a friend? Delivered a speech? Or listened to someone? List down your strengths and weaknesses as a communicator.
b. What makes a good communicator? Make your own criteria and see how you fair with your own standards. Be ready to give recommendation for your own improvement.
5. Visualizing Success
a. Imagine yourself conversing with a person you admire most. Describe your conversation.
b. Imagine yourself delivering a wonderful speech. Describe it.
from:
http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=7143420188675844585
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